My little Fan Fic
Though I still find it hard right now to even look at what I had, and try to remember the good in the past. This isn’t something you can simply get over. It’s something you have to truly work to overcome, and one thing that has been the hardest was trying to comeback to what I left abandoned.
After BronyCan I was probably the happiest and best motivated I had been in a long time, I felt I could easily make this work as my life and that everything was finally going to be on the up after meeting and talking to so many great people. However I still had the same people and issues in my life as before and they instantly seemed as if they were hell bent on destroying me. I let it all get under my skin and reopen old wounds, and within a couple weeks or so I had completely bought into everything. I just dropped everything, I quit my job, stopped talking to my friends and tried to push away my family and in November I almost made the worst mistake. If my mother hadn’t reunited me with an old family friend who is not only a psychiatrist but also helped me the last time I was suicidal I probably wouldn’t be here now trying to rekindle this large part of my life.
With my mother and family friend’s help I’ve slowly pushed myself away from thee lest than pleasant thoughts, but it’s not always an upward forward push. Again, I nearly gave up at the beginning of April after I received some bad news after trying to put myself out there. Once more I was feeling like I was getting somewhere in life only to have someone once again it seemed to take away what I needed. However, I managed to somehow talk myself out of it, and I honestly don’t know how but it was the single scariest felling I have ever felt, almost as if I had no control over my own body. But shortly after that bad news and fighting to keep my head above water, I received the best news I needed to hear and it’s motivated me that I need to overcome this even more now, and move forward.
I ended up over this time, not drawing at all, it for some reason only reminded me of failure. This was another reason why it’s taken me so long to try and rebuild what I left to ruin. So, this is me, now saying I’m back everyone. I miss this part of my life, I’ve reunited with my family, and friends. But the hardest thing of it all, is bringing art back into my life, and where better to start than here, where my biggest motivation for art came about, from all of you, hearing your stories and emotions that I ended up taking part in making just by sharing what I was doing from being inspired by others as well was what kept me going though the darker times before. The next step for me after this is to pick up a pen and draw, something I left behind in September.
Well, I don’t know what else to say or do here. I’m thinking this needs to be storybook and wrapped up in a nice simple ending, but there’s no way to do that and this is all far from over. I still have demons to slay, and a inner darkness to overcome. So in a way I’m asking if all of you will also help me in this endeavour. I could use some kinds words at this point in time, it isn’t necessary but would be appreciated. Well, I guess I’ll end this rambling here, it does feel good to get this all out in the open and try and bring this back. You all were the best thing that happened to me and I hope I can keep moving forward from this point on.