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About Digital Art / Hobbyist Premium Member Niegel BurtonMale/Canada Groups :iconu-boatfans: U-BoatFans
 
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So I've been slowly reworking my old fan-fiction story Idea "Beyond Equestria" now for the last two months, and before I start putting out the chapters. Since I only have chapter one completed and story-boarding done for another 5 chapters and plans for at least 20 chapters in my ever growing world bible. I wanted opinions on my writing and if there is anything that I can't see that I might be able to look out for with your help and improve upon since I want to make this adventure as epic as the writer's I idolize can do.

So below here is a quick snip-it from the start of Chapter one "The Seeds of Flight"  *** in which I would like some help with :3

The dawns early radiant light floods into the land to welcome it into a new beautiful day, as the moon retreats with it’s soft and cool majestic night. Two great and regal sisters stand high upon the towers of Canterlot Castle controlling this wondrous and magnificent event with unrivalled magical ability. Yet there is no cheering or fanfare from their subjects below who begin to awake and start their new day. To those in this wondrous kingdom of peace, it is the same as any other day. The subjects are at peace and contempt with all around them. However, from the new dockyards of this mountain top city, sounds of construction which have rained out all night have finally ceased and the large hanger doors begin to groan as they open to welcome in the sunlight.

          Both the royal sisters notice the out of place shipyard awaken like a lumbering dragon and so they stretch their imposing wings to soar down upon the hanger. Elegantly they land in front of the now fully open hanger doors.

    “Alright, pull her on out! nice and easy ya hear! don’t you hurt my pride and joy!” Shouts an orange mare with a greasy and braided brown mane. The goggles to which protect her eyes from her hazardous work prevent her from noticing the royal princesses now standing just off to the side.

    From within the jumble of ponies in the hanger struggling with a large contraption comes running a brown pegasus stallion adorn with a leather aviators jacket and cap. His green scarf flaps behind him as he rushes towards the royal sisters and greets them.

    “Your majesties! My apologies for not greeting you sooner! To what do I owe your visit?” Shouted the pegasus as he slowed down and stopped in front of them.

    The taller one with a soft pale white coat and flowing magical mane of pastel spring colours spoke. “My sister and I have come to great you on what we assume is launch day of your marvellous contraption.” “Yes! We have viewed you all night and your unwillingness to do anything but work on this intriguing device!” bellowed the shorter midnight blue sister with a mane that mirrored the night sky.

    The orange mare now walked up beside the brown stallion while she pushed her goggles to atop her head. “Aye, sorry if we were to loud last night. We’re all so eager to put the finishing touches on the Aquila and get her ready for today. If all goes well, we’ll be launchin’ by lunchtime.”

***

English has never been my strong suit, failed the damn class a couple times. But I love to read and hope this all sounds alright. Sometimes I feel like I easily overlook things to do with writing do's and don'ts and my hope is I'll notice them better if people help in giving some constructive support. :3

Thank ya'll
~Niegel

  • Mood: Daily Needs

LINKS-O-STUFF

My Tumblr eh! Comes with an ASK ME.
niegelvonwolf.tumblr.com/

My Facebook... somewhat used, not enough attention to it atm.
www.facebook.com/Niegelvonwolf

Yeah, More updates than my DA and even sneak peaks to future art! :D

Who is your Favourite Cannon MLP Princess? 

49%
23 deviants said Princess Luna
21%
10 deviants said Princess Twilight Sparkle
19%
9 deviants said Princess Celestia
11%
5 deviants said Princess Me Amore Cadenza (Cadance)

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:icondoli125:
DOLI125 Featured By Owner Jul 5, 2014  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Thanks a lot for the fave!
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:iconniegelvonwolf:
NiegelvonWolf Featured By Owner Jul 6, 2014  Hobbyist Digital Artist
My pleasure.
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:iconlemmy-koopaling:
Lemmy-koopaling Featured By Owner Jul 4, 2014  Student Digital Artist
Hoi!
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:iconniegelvonwolf:
NiegelvonWolf Featured By Owner Jul 4, 2014  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Ola comrade.
Reply
:iconlemmy-koopaling:
Lemmy-koopaling Featured By Owner Jul 5, 2014  Student Digital Artist
How've you been? :)
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:iconniegelvonwolf:
NiegelvonWolf Featured By Owner Jul 5, 2014  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Meh, could be better And yourself?
Reply
(1 Reply)
:iconkayleethedragacron:
KayleetheDragacron Featured By Owner Jun 17, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Do you do requests?
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:iconniegelvonwolf:
NiegelvonWolf Featured By Owner Jul 4, 2014  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Currently no, but I will be letting people know when I am.
Reply
:iconkayleethedragacron:
KayleetheDragacron Featured By Owner Jul 5, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Okay. Please link back to me when you do!
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:iconzira-mlp:
Zira-MLP Featured By Owner Jun 8, 2014  New member Student Digital Artist
Cute artwork! ;)
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